Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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