my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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