I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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