I'm gonna have a badass scar
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
