That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Houston, we have a blender
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I will pee on everything he values.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
