If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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