Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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