so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
