you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
