you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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