u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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