I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
