I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
