We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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