i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
