i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
