I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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