you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
