it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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