really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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