If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
