you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
