I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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