Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
