i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
