what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
