I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think i have two assholes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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