and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
