i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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