Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
