If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Fuck appropriateness.
Do vagina's smell?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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