Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cockslap morals
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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