thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
