You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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