tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I see more hoeing in ur future
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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