sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
