whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
