Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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