I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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