Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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