so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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