hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
