You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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