it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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