I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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