Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Couch. On fire.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
