that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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