Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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