in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
