How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I understand Curling. That high.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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