never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
